By Chad Napier
Dreams do come true at the Masters, sometimes.
If you were granted sole control of the Buffalo Wild Wings super sports remote controller, what would be your dream result next week at Augusta?
Would you craft another DJ stripe show, a Freddie Couples “back stretching” turn-back-the-clock win, Rory finally getting the green jacket to take the place of the monkey, or some other feel good story of a relative no name winning?
Each of the scenarios would be a captivating watch and at least generate discussion as a topic on “Around the Horn” or “Pardon The Interruption”. Let me digress for a second, who really wants to hear four panelists who generally know nothing about golf discuss it on “Around the Horn”?
The people’s choice without a doubt is Freddie finally playing another Sunday as he usually does on Thursday and Friday. I am still heart broken over Tom Watson not getting that what would have been epic win at The Open in 2009. I am tired of having to play Toby Keith in my mind for Freddie on Sunday after he gives me hope on Saturday. For those country music illiterate, Toby Keith sings “As Good As I Once Was”. (Trust me, Freddie and his “game” would have absolutely nothing to do with any twin sister Betty Lou.)
A close second dream scenario is local stud Kevin Kisner winning on the final hole, his caddy Duane “The Calves” Bock jumping up landing on his golf bag and out pops a log of Skoal fine cut. It thrusts out in slow motion like a Jack-In-Box clown and rolls down the slope toward the hole on 18 with Jim Nantz proclaiming “finer than most”!
What we, as golf enthusiasts, don’t want from our prized tournament and would generate a malpractice lawsuit from the B-Dub “white collards” is a Sunday leaderboard with the law firm of Fisher, Kim & Steele on top of it. No one wants a “no name” without a story in our drama. It’s just like the television talent show “The Voice”. You can have all the talent in the world, but unless you have a tragic or tear jerking story, my chair is not turning.
Another nightmare scenario would be having the annoying family member of someone in contention thrust him or herself onto the scene like Danny Willett’s brother did last year.
Can you imagine if The Great One goes all “LaVar Ball” on Sunday morning with DJ in contention? I offer my sincere apologies for putting TGO and LVB in same sentence. I used initials that time to avoid doing it again.
Rain delays would be another “pisser”. I, along with most of you, have already scheduled my life around the Masters schedule next week. I cannot and will not adjust for any delays . . . . yeah, I call BS on that one too. However, any extended delay during this upcoming spring season could stretch into a Lowe’s trip for mulch and flowers. As I’m recently married, I have been duly warned about these things and I am trying to prepare myself for it. However, women are heartless and the Masters is the only thing associated with “green” that doesn’t arouse her beautiful eyes. See what I did there? I know she is stalking my writing and waiting for one of these references. I have waited until this special time to build up “writing favor” with her. I suggest each of you do the same in your own special way. You have plenty of time to lay the foundation before you serve her the papers . . . the papers showing the Masters schedule.
What was I saying, oh yeah, women are heartless and cold-blooded killers of dreams. I wouldn’t be surprised if the wife forces me to buy azaleas at Saturday’s midday Lowe’s trip!!
Chad Napier is an attorney who when not in the court room travels around the country playing golf every chance he get’s. Along the way he has made friends with PGA Tour players, caddies, and fan’s like you and me. You can follow Chad on Twitter at @ChaddyNap